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I called my friend Andy Sable , a gastroenterologist, to make an appointment for a colonoscopy.

A few days later, in his office, Andy showed me a color diagram of the colon, a lengthy organ that appears to go all over the place, at one point passing briefly through Minneapolis.

Then Andy explained the colonoscopy procedure to me in a thorough, reassuring and patient manner.

I nodded thoughtfully, but I didn’t really hear anything he said, because my brain was shrieking, ‘HE’S GOING TO STICK A TUBE 17,000 FEET UP YOUR BEHIND!’

I left Andy ’s office with some written instructions, and a prescription for a product called ‘MoviPrep,’ which comes in a box large enough to hold a microwave oven. I will discuss MoviPrep in detail later; for now suffice it to say that we must never allow it to fall into the hands of America ’s enemies.

I spent the next several days productively sitting around being nervous. More »

Nothing sucks more than that moment during an argument when you realize you’re wrong.
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I totally take back all those times I didn’t want to nap when I was younger.
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There is a great need for a sarcasm font.
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Sometimes, I’ll watch a movie that I watched when I was younger and suddenly realize I had no idea what the heck was going on when I first saw it.
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F the U.N. and all the countries backing them or those bowing down to them.  As if Canada, Britain, and Australia didn’t learn their lesson about gun control.  Yet they still enforce it on their people.

GodSpeed Nanny.  We will always love you and miss you but we will all see you again before long.  You had a long, happy life – one that you can be proud of.

Belle Wingfield
(August 5, 1922 – December 2, 2009)

Belle Wingfield, age 87, of Pine Bluff, died Wednesday, December 2, 2009.

Born August 5, 1922 at Arnold Park, Iowa, she was a daughter of the late Charley Spencer and Eathel Elkins Spencer. She was a homemaker, and worked as a housemother at the Boy’s Industrial School for several years. Mrs. Wingfield was predeceased by two daughters, Patricia House and Rochelle Stout.

Survivors include her husband, Bob Wingfield, Jr. sons, Michael Wingfield and Timothy Wingfield, both of Redfield; daughter, Barbara Hackett of Lewiston, NY; sister, Louella Phillips of Lauerson, CA; 11 grandchildren; and seven great-grandchildren.

We’ve heard it a hundred times:  “BMW – The Ultimate Driving Machine”.

My thoughts used to be something along the lines of, “Those yuppie snob bastards” to put it nicely.  You know the kind you usually see driving them … preppy shirt, sunglasses, blazing white teeth, and the attention span and IQ of a (insert whatever comes to mind here).

Well, a while back we came across a deal on a 2002 Mercedes Benz C240 that we couldn’t pass up.  She became Gretta.  She was Susan’s baby and her daily driver and she loved her.  Fast forward to one day when I picked up Mike to take him to my bro-in-law’s car lot – he was getting his 350Z Vert.  I was walking around looking at what he had on his lot and this beautiful little BMW caught my eye, a 2008 BMW 328i with all the amenities you could get.  I made the mistake of taking a few pics of her and sending them to Susan, including the window sticker with all the options.  I went back to work about 30 minutes later and noticed she was off-line so I sent her a text message asking where she headed off to … she was at the car lot ! I didn’t hear any more about it and left work that day headed for home.  I got home and Susan wasn’t there (she usually beats me home).  Shortly after I got there I get a phone call:  “You need to come down here and sign some papers.”  Yeah, she did it. More »

I had this idea that I was going to rope a deer, put it in a stall, feed it up on corn for a couple of weeks, then kill it and eat it.

The first step in this adventure was getting a deer.

I figured that, since they congregate at my cattle feeder and do not seem to have much fear of me when we are there (a bold one will sometimes come right up and sniff at the bags of feed while I am in the back of the truck not 4 feet away), it should not be difficult to rope one, get up to it and toss a bag over its head (to calm it down) then hog tie it and transport it home.

I filled the 2 cattle feeders then hid down at the end with my rope. The cattle, having seen the roping thing before, stayed well back. They were not having any of it.

After about 20 minutes, my deer showed up — 3 of them. More »