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Part 1 – To find a woman you need time and money, therefore … More »

This ought to work just fine.

The Journey Home

Lying in bed so still and quiet, you glow with child-like, practically divine innocence. Eyes closed as if dreaming, waiting for someone, not knowing whom or why, but acutely aware of the need of a guiding hand. Silently he appears and softly whispers, “I am Michael, your guide.” Grasping your waiting hand he effortlessly lifts you up, gently and steadily, into the clouds, higher and higher above the petty problems of the world, soaring, gliding through the sky as only eagles, or dreamers dare.

You feel a gentle wisp as the breeze brushes tender kisses on your cheeks, tickling your nose. You laugh, almost singing. Slipping among the clouds you calmly sail, thinking you should be afraid but fearing nothing.

Looking down, cars and people seem everywhere, scurrying like mice, ants, too busy to see Real Life. Turning upward, you climb higher and faster, past all clouds. More »

1. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me either. Just pretty much leave me the hell alone.

2. The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and a leaky tire.

3. It’s always darkest before dawn. So if you’re going to steal your neighbor’s newspaper, that’s the time to do it.

5. Don’t be irreplaceable. If you can’t be replaced, you can’t be promoted.

6. No one is listening until you fart. More »

FRENCH WAR HEROES
by Jacques Chirac

HOW I SERVED MY COUNTRY
by Jane Fonda

MY BEAUTY SECRETS
by Janet Reno

HOW TO BUILD YOUR OWN AIRPLANE
by John Denver
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I don’t know how everybody else feels about it, but to me I think hispanic people in this country, legally or illegally, made a huge public relations mistake with their recent demonstrations.

I don’t blame anybody in the world for wanting to come to the United States of America, as it is a truly wonderful place. But when the first thing you do when you set foot on American soil is illegal it is flat out wrong and I don’t care how many la la land left heads come out of the woodwork and start trying to give me sensitivity lessons.

I don’t need sensitivity lessons, in fact I don’t have anything against Mexicans, I just have something against criminals, and anybody who comes into this country illegally is a criminal and if you don’t believe it try coming into America from a foreign country without a passport and see how far you get.

What disturbs me about the demonstrations is that it’s tantamount to saying, “I am going to come into your country even if it means breaking your laws and there’s nothing you can do about it.”

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